I Married a 2,000 Year Old Lesbian Bogwoman by June Williams

Cover of "I Married a 2,000 Year Old Lesbian Bogwoman" by June Williams

Do you ever see a book with a conceit so wonderfully wild that you know you just have to read it? I’ve seen Chuck Tingle’s books floating around with their wild and wacky titles, but I’ve never been struck with the impulse to actually read one. With Ms. Williams’ work, however, I knew I had to read it immediately and I was well rewarded for my impulse.

The story is pretty much exactly what it says on the tin. It promises you marriage to a 2,000 year old lesbian bogwoman and boy does it deliver. Now this is erotica, plain and simple, if you’re looking for a plot look elsewhere. We meet our protagonist (Tamiko) and the mummy (Boggie) on page one and by page two thing are getting spicy. (Note: exact pagination may differ depending on the settings of your e-reader.)

Set in the world of an academic researcher, the story follows a fairly standard formula when it comes to delivering the plot, (relationship troubles and a little magic leads to… etc.), which I find helpful because it doesn’t belabor the intent of the story, ie. gratuitous and hilarious smut. It also allows for the reader to simply be whisked away with suspension of disbelief and laugh their own ass off when the mummy’s first words are complementing the Tamiko’s ass.

I hurried to the back of the trailer for a special gauze pad to clean Boggie. My wound could wait. As I rummaged through the supplies a croaky voice rasped, "You have a fine ass."

Hilarity ensues throughout as Tamiko and Boggie adjust to Boggie’s suddenly being alive in the 21st century. There were so many times I had to pause reading because I was laughing too hard to continue. I found the physical descriptions of Boggie to be particularly evocative, as we see her being compared to a “favorite leather jacket broken in just right” and “single malt Islay Scotch.” The last one really bowled me over, because that is a taste my friends, not smell, and I’ll let you read to find out just what is being tasted. This may be erotica, but I like to keep my reviews fairly clean.

Her tongue was cool and supple. A favorite leather jacket broken in just right.

Now not all erotica is for everyone, so I’ll give a few content warnings before I wrap things up.

1. Dom/Sub relationship, with some mild BDSM.

2. Grad Student/Professor relationship, comes in at the end.

3. Not erotica related, but there is brief discussion of Donald Trump and some of the political events of the past four years. 

All in all, I would rate this book 10/10 and recommended to anyone who’s interested in this kind of comedic erotica. If you’re a fan of Chuck Tingle’s works, you’ll almost certainly enjoy this. 

“I Married a 2,000 Year Old Lesbian Bogwoman” is one of, I believe, three short ebooks written by June Williams and can be found on Amazon here.

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When to Hold Them by G.B. Gordon

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[Edit: Originally published December 24, 2016]

So I’ll be the first to admit that pulp romance is not a genre I read. Like at all, this is my introduction to the genre, so bear with me. 

First, I think this was a great book for an introduction to the genre. Second, I thought it dealt with it’s heavier issues decently. Third, I was not expecting that much porn. I thought “romance” would mean more “romance” and less explicit porn. Not that I’m complaining about the porn mind you, I just wasn’t expecting it.

That stated this is a book for adults. 18+, not for children.

The book wasn’t entirely porny, there was plenty of plot to go along with it, so let’s start there.

Doran is working in this small town of Bluewater Bay on probation for some crime related to gambling where he meets park ranger Xavier Wagner. It’s aggressive crushing at first sight on Doran’s part and a long time just looking before they actually meet and speak. 

Doran has some boundary issues, mainly he doesn’t seem to have any with Xavier and Xavier’s concerned about that. So working out what kind of relationship they wanted to have and if that will even work for them is the romance centric plot. There’s also a plotline that’s semi unrelated to the romance that is where that gambling related crime comes back to bite Doran in the ass. So you’ve got a well rounded book on the plot front.

It does move a little fast, however, I went in expecting a cheesy relatively lighthearted book, and while there may have been more porn than I expected the book delivered. It wasn’t the end of the world that I had to suspend disbelief for the timeline a bit.

I mentioned heavier issues, this is namely two things.

1. Doran’s backstory is one that sees him kicked out of his home for being gay. I really appreciated that this was there for more than just tragic backstory. It actually influences how he reacts to things and actively colors the choices he makes. As someone who has experienced gender/sexuality related violence I appreciate how that was written in. 

2. As you may have noticed from the cover. This book features an interracial couple. Now, as I am white there is a limit to how much I can comment, but I will say this. The matter of race was not ignored, and like with Doran, some of Xavier’s actions are colored by the fact that he is not white and it seemed done pretty decently to me.

Warnings:

1. The sex, on it’s own and the fact that there were pretty clear dom/sub undertones. It’s never explicitly stated, but it’s kind of obvious the further along you get.

All in all I enjoyed it, not a genre I think I’ll flock to in the future, but this was a really fun read. 

You can get the book here.

Related Reviews: Before the City Rises

Before the City Rises by C.K. Slash

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[Edit: Originally published July 6, 2016]

The June Rebellion. That might mean absolutely nothing to you. It did for me until I read Les Misérables. It was a small failed rebellion in an attempt to overthrow the government in France in 1832. This is the backdrop for Before the City Rises.

If you’re in the Les Mis fandom, you might actually know Before the City Rises, butas the fanfiction “Teach me how to Love You”. The fanfiction was flipped to be an original work and was released in mid June. 

You don’t have to know Les Misérables to enjoy the story, however. You’re given all the information you need about the rebellion and the circumstances of in the beginning of the story when our heroine, Zephine, pays a visit to Notre Dame cathedral. 

The story is also given a sci fi element when you learn that the oppressed group being fought for in the story are those with supernatural abilities. It’s not overly present but it’s there in the background, and if you forget momentarily, you’ll be reminded a few pages later. 

The foreground and driving force of the story is that it’s a lesbian erotica. A lesbian erotica with a trans woman (named Nichole) as the love interest.

Zephine goes to visit Nichole, a friend of sorts and part of the group that has been organizing this rebellion, though she’s been a voice of dissent and disbelief of their cause more often than not. However, if Zephine wants her to fight with them tomorrow, Nichole could not refuse. They share one night together. One very Not Safe For Work night. And Zephine learns things about Nichole she never would have imagined. 

Like I said, this is an erotica. The sex is very well written and very explicit. This is definitely not a book for young eyes.

There were a few errors when I read it that occurred due to the flipping of the book. Some names got missed in the flipping process. Those have since been fixed by the author.

You can find the book here.

@ckslash

Related Reviews: When to Hold Them